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SEX & KÄRLEK
Artikel
av Anneli Bergqvist
publicerad 6 feb 2009 kl. 12.42:
No one owns me on the dance floor
"Don't get me wrong here, I don't hate men, I love men. I make love to men. And I'm certainly not scared of men. It's just the acceptance of the things that we would never accept outside of the night club that really scares me."
As he approached me, quickly grabbing my hips from behind pretending we're in the bedroom instead of a dance floor, I couldn't help at wonder; are there girls who actually accept this?
I'm a newcomer to Santa Barbara, and one night I couldn't resist the offer of joining a couple of new friends to go to one of the most popular night clubs in the city. Since I'm in love with dancing, it didn't take long until I was up there, at the dance floor, feeling the rhythm.
And it certainly didn't take long until someone tried to feel it with me. And tried to feel me.
When I went outside to catch my breath at some point (because you know guys, girls actually have to breath sometimes), I started to think about all this. What happened with the old fashion way, buying someone a drink, and flirting from the other side of the bar? There were no people dancing like they're in a bedroom in those movies.
Outside catching my breath, I also started to think of myself as an object. What the hell am I wearing? How could I pick this short skirt? Is it because I'm Swedish, like I've heard before? Sure - it's my fault I feel this disgustingly vulgar.
But then it all became clear to me. Somebody sometime told me that women should theoretically be able to walk through a crowd wearing nothing at all without getting sexually assaulted. Don't you agree on that?
I'm not dumb. I know that what I consider sexual assault is probably not the same definition you have. But according to Santa Barbara Rape Crisis center, sexual assault is any forced or coerced sexual contact against a person's will.Grabbing me from behind, starting touching everything I got without permission, and without even looking into my eyes first, definitely is in line with that description, don't you think?
Don't get me wrong here, I don't hate men, I love men. I make love to men. And I'm certainly not scared of men. It's just the acceptance of the things that we would never accept outside of the night club that really scares me.
And this is happening everywhere. I've been all the way from New Zealand to England at nightclubs, dancing. But don't close your eyes now. Girls will feel humiliated and objectified, in Santa Barbara at a night club tonight, for sure.
Also according to SBRC, college age women are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted than any other group. This actually had me worrying for my future daughter. Our future daughters.
You can blame porn all you want, but I'm a true believer in the human being, and that you can think and act from what you, and you alone, believe is right. What about the strip poles placed in that club I mentioned? If you get to think about it, someone actually put them up there. Could that person have done something different?
We just have to learn how to accept less, both men and women. But still know how to enjoy ourselves. I will no more let any one feel like they own me on the dance floor. I hope, and believe, that you will try it too this weekend. And for the record. No one owns me on the dance floor.
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